Wind's Nocturne
by icedcooly
Summary: Kagura's past and how she came under Naraku's control is revealed. Quite dark, but that should improve soon. Please have watched up to episode 81 at least, to read.
1. Prologue: Breath and Decay

Wind's Nocturne by Charlene

Prologue: Breath and Decay

Standard disclaimers apply

The entire building was so quiet I wanted to scream. How could people live like this, I thought angrily. My mind hurt me, _thinking_ hurt me! This was a place for the dead and could never be anything more. It certainly smelled dead, and appearance-wise, I didn't really think I had to envision the perpetual cloudy gloom that eternally loomed over it—a curse of the wretched, to challenge that fact.

Over the long stretches of time I was compelled to remain at this god-forsaken place, I had often, on fleeting whims and fancies of thought, contemplated killing myself as a means of escape. Death would be such sweet relief and oh, how I yearned for it day by day. But of course, like all the thousands of other alternatives that had each at a certain moment in time crossed my mind, it would lead nowhere.

I would far rather breathe the dying stink of the decaying walls and live with some hope—no matter how small, than kill myself only to be returned to that repulsive being. For he would not of course, let a powerful detachment of his go to waste. Once reabsorbed, I would be re-detached, quite possibly into some hideous form or other, one that would never deign to think of betraying him.

And that, would be worse than anything I could think of to happen to me.

With that thought, my fury fizzled away into the dark nothingnesses of the room. I had on countless occasions gone through all this hatred and anger, but sooner or later I knew it would all come to naught because there was absolutely nothing I could do about my situation, no matter how much I bemoaned it.

That thought alone should have been enough to get me angry again, but I really was too tired for all that today.

I leaned back against the wall, exhausted with the way my day had begun. How tiring and bothersome this existence was…

The tears came in such a rush I had no time to even think. They were hot on my cheeks, and with them came a sweeping sadness which felt heavy to my heart. I thought that I wanted to say to hell with it, and give in to the landslide of emotions for once. Just one time, and it would be enough to tide me over for at least a little longer.

But I reminded myself that there were reasons I kept deeply secret within myself, to keep me from surrendering. The first, I didn't want to grieve. Naraku had my heart and he would know when I was sad, and I knew I would rather die than let him continue controlling me with knowledge of this—of my weakness. And the second, these tears…they didn't belong to me. They belonged to another time, another person, another set of memories. Another life.

I swiftly dabbed at my cheeks with my kimono sleeve and watched as the liquid blotted and darkened the seamless red. It was good that I knew how to curb it when it started. This Kagura's grief was a heavy dignified grief that few, if not none, would be permitted to witness.

For a second I allowed my thoughts to turn to my grief once more. It bothered me a lot. Too much, actually. Almost every time I began to ponder over my meaningless existence and the state my life was in, the tears would come suddenly and without warning, almost as if someone had triggered them in me with that train of thought. And I knew they were not mine because sometimes I felt almost irrational emotions—at once inexplicable and irrelevant to my person.

The anger I could understand, and even some of the sorrow—signifying nothing more than the inevitable time-to-time mourning of this trapped existence. But sometimes a much deeper and most incomprehensible unhappiness would thread through my emotions, and would force the hot drops down my face with greater urgency than I would ever have thought my situation could warrant.

I didn't pretend to understand it, but of course this disturbed me and I had to put it away from me as soon as it surfaced lest I dig up some undesirable memory from the recesses of my dispersed and long forgotten past.

For the last thing I needed at present was a heavier burden than the fact that the single being I most despised held my heart in his hands, at the ready to shatter into a million ruby pieces. And if I ever knew there had ever been something in my past, something that was worth having, remembering, cherishing, I sometimes thought the sadness would overflow and I could never be able to bear it.

Notes: Yes, this story has a plot and you will see it once you get past the prologue. ^_^; When Kagura says "This Kagura" I mean _kono Kagura_, which Sesshomaru and Naraku and even Jaken have made a habit of saying in their introductions or speeches or whatever. :D It occurred to me that Kagura is actually quite arrogant for a female detachment of the most disgusting youkai on earth, so it wouldn't appear particularly strange to have her say that. (And she's pretty damn powerful too, actually.) Just to clear that up… And, just for your information, there actually is a song titled "Wind's Nocturne" but it isn't anything like this fic. (And it wasn't particularly a source of inspiration.) 

  



	2. Part One: Summoned

Wind's Nocturne by Charlene

Part One: Summoned

Standard disclaimers apply

_Kagura_. My heart stopped for a moment. I could never get used to this, when Naraku would summon me through my heart in his hands, with his wintry voice like a stab in my chest. Shaken, I quickly arose, smoothing down the folds of my kimono and surreptitiously adjusting my feathered hair ornaments.

The day had so far been very quiet and uneventful. I had spent the morning—if this hell on earth could be said to run on time—in my room. Kanna was nowhere to be seen, as always, and that boy…Kohaku? He was duller than anything I had ever encountered. I thought it was strange how, even after all his memories were erased, he remained silent and unresponsive to even the kindest remark. For Naraku did not bother to control him when he did not need to. He was going to be relocated away from the fortress soon, I heard, and I suppose I was in a little way disappointed. He was the only other being in this place who had once been human after all, and emotion-oriented thoughts and actions were not something one could easily find here.

I glanced idly out of the window to check for any disturbances, or a reason why Naraku, after two weeks of silence, suddenly wanted me. Nothing. No, not nothing. The intensity and heaviness of Naraku's dark kekkai bore down upon the place like a giant belly of doom. Not a normal living thing could venture forth without being repelled rather nastily by the protective barrier, and, if they could, by some trick of magic, work their way past that, the poisonous air would ensure they did not last long enough to catch even a glimpse of the fortress' overbearing walls.

Deciding not to idle too long, I made my way tensely through the winding corridors swathed in darkness. As I walked, I realized I could sense Kanna's presence in Naraku's room. Ah, that's right. She had her mirror and Naraku, being nothing but a crippled coward who sat in the shadows behind his puppets and detachments, had to keep up with what was happening outside.

Inuyasha…I wonder when he will become strong enough to defeat this foe?

"Kagura."

Naraku's gaze was like ice, staring right into me, as if he could see everything within—all the wicked thoughts of betrayal I had been harbouring for the longest time. This flustered and angered me. Kanna sat in front of him, holding up her mirror which was reflecting scenes of the outside world. Naraku stared, and smiled a most provocative smile for a moment.

"Naraku. What do you want? Has something happened?"

"No." He closed his eyes. "But rest assured, a lot will come to pass very soon. Now, find Sesshoumaru's followers and take the girl. Kohaku waits nearby, fetch him and take them both to the mountains northeast of here. Leave them there, and return." As he spoke, Kanna's mirror shimmered and flashed, and she turned it in my direction so I could see Sesshoumaru's repulsive toad follower, and a little human girl in a squash patch, plucking squashes under the bright moon.

"Go. Now."

Quite suddenly, a gurgle escaped his throat and the room stood still. There was something…inside him? Directly, his eyes opened and I was stunned to see them a bright predatory yellow—the pupils reduced to slits, much like those of reptilians. For a split second, his entire countenance changed. His skin turned a clammy sick green, and his face was riddled with bulging veins and bumps. His limbs were no longer limbs, but a mass of gurgling green flesh, bubbling like melting solid. And when the moment had passed, he was himself again, grinning ferally as if pleased that I had witnessed the horrendous transformation.

It had passed, but the horror lingered in the room like an overpowering stink.

I swept out of the room hurriedly, drawing my feather from my hair as I did, ready to leave immediately. With Naraku, no questions were asked. If you were lucky, he was in a rare conversational mood and would casually mention some things, which you then had to piece together later.

Besides, I had witnessed the disassembling and reassembling of the youkai parts within himself some weeks back. Just…it had never quite reached his facial features this way. I shook the image from my mind, shuddering to think any deeper into it.

Getting the child was a cinch. Jaken was the usual pushover to deal with, and I had her in a moment, unconscious from the violence and suddenness of the attack. Wind was a very powerful thing, really. It was air, and air surrounded us all. And I was glad for my power, my given element, because it was so convenient and so…feminine.

She was very small, maybe five or six, but she had dainty features rare in a child of such a young age. Rin, Jaken had called her. A pretty, cute little thing, but nonetheless, powerless and still simply a human child. What was such a useless being travelling with Sesshoumaru for? And he despised humans too, or so he said. Well well, it seemed that things really weren't what they seemed.

I saw Kohaku with his odd, chained claw-shaped weapon standing by a river, staring into its depths. "Kohaku," I called, as I landed the feather by him. He did not respond for a few moments, then turned slowly around. His eyes were oddly blank, but not without the glint of human life in them. He wasn't being controlled.

What on earth was making him act this way? His memories were gone, all he had left was a blank meaningless existence before him which was, in his case, a most fortunate thing. He was told what to do, and there was no reason not to follow. There shouldn't be such conflicting, unsettled emotions within him.

"I'm here to fetch you to the mountains, as Naraku ordered," I explained, in an almost soothing voice. For some strange reason I could not fathom, I didn't want to upset or disturb him. I thought he was…pitiful.

He had turned back to the stream, and I was wary of what he was going to do next.

"I can see dead faces in blood," he stated emotionlessly. "All the time, but never so clearly as when I'm looking in water. It's like a pool of tears I peer into. I think they might be my tears, but I'm not sure."

My breath caught in my chest. He still had the images in his mind! Were they so deeply ingrained in him that they could not be erased, even with Naraku's immense power? I thought how utterly disturbing this was, even to me.

"My sist—AAGHH!" His yell echoed in the trees around us. Clutching his head as if it were about to crack, he fell onto his knees in the grass. Frightened, I stepped off the feather and took a hesitant step towards him. I needed to take him to the mountains, but if he was like this—

Almost abruptly, he stood up again. His arms dropped back limply to his sides, and he turned to face me. The gaze held raw but muted fear, which then faded into balefulness and finally, it all seemed to swim back into focus. Well, it was _some_ semblance of focus I suppose, but I couldn't really explain to what extent of consciousness his mind functioned upon. Before I could say a word, he stepped onto the feather, waiting for me to get back on too.

Notes: I'm sorry, the real plot hasn't come out yet. I have a lot planned for this fic as a series, and I think I will take it one chapter at a time. If you spot any inconsistencies with the anime, please inform me. For eg. if Kagura had actually seen Rin with Sesshoumaru before, or if the anime timeline is messed up. (From what I remember, it's Kagura's attempt to betray Naraku, her witnessing his true youkai forms, Musou, and finally the great battle in episode 81.) It will be much appreciated.

  



	3. Part Two: Reflections

Wind's Nocturne by Charlene

Part Two: Reflections

Standard disclaimers apply

"Why are you here? Why aren't you with that man?"

My voice rang clearly in the large empty room, almost seeming to even reverberate on its dark dank walls. Her shadow paused at the doorway.

The little girl—for I could not help thinking of her thus, even though she might have been a thousand year old youkai for all I knew, stepped into the room quietly, shimmering as she did. Light seemed to emanate off of her in tender little filaments and, if one ignored the ominous setting, and that pair of frighteningly inhuman eyes, one might almost think she were an angel.

"Naraku asked to be alone for the time being," she answered, her statement brief and direct, at odds with her tiny child's voice. I looked up with slight interest. It was not very often that Naraku went without Kanna's handy mirror. He made sure he kept up with the times—waiting, I was sure, for some opportunity, some crack in Inuyasha and his surroundings, so he could pounce just when the time was right.

"Has anything significant been happening at Inuyasha's?" I asked sarcastically, letting a provoking smirk slip upon my lips. There had always been something in Kanna's countenance that irritated me to no end. I could never put my finger upon it, but it seemed as though she despised me for being as passionate as I was about some things—or, well, passionate at all. But her serene nature did not allow her to put it across, so the condescension ended up a muted, hidden thing, a thing that showed up clearly to me in her mockingly gentle words.

Unruffled, as always, she shook her head slightly, never letting her gaze leave me, then resumed her grave, blank stare.

"Can't you go a minute without letting that façade down?" I muttered bitterly, somewhat to myself, not really expecting her to answer such a personal question. I was tired with being the only human in these parts, tired with the silence's judgement of my anger as being a storm in a teacup and nothing more.

"It is not a façade. Kagura, you should be this way too."

I glanced up. Her face hadn't quite changed, but I thought I could sense pity in her voice if I listened hard enough. One could never really tell with Kanna. Her voice was so emotionless it could mean almost anything you wanted it to imply.

"But I'm not. I wonder why…" I sighed heavily.

Her unwavering gaze bore through me for some moments more, until she finally said enigmatically, "Something is holding you back. In your past, Kagura. You were never always the wind user you are now. All of us are Naraku's tools now, but we were once living. We once existed."

_We once existed. Once. We existed. _

"K-Kagura-san?"

I felt the gentle tug at my kimono sleeve, and jerked up, realizing to my horror that I had allowed my thoughts to drift from the present. The boy, Kohaku, he glanced up at me with what seemed like a tinge of polite concern, and said, "We're past the area. We have to go back."

Cursing angrily to myself, I turned the feather around and headed back for where the little shrine-like building stood, ringed by mountains. I could see it now, a lone construction of no particular importance. I wondered what Naraku had up his sleeve this time. The sense that the building was another of Naraku's creations, for the scent of a mild kekkai just strong enough to keep random nosy youkai away lay in the air, erased all doubts and I began to land the feather.

I left Kohaku and the girl in the room, then mounted the feather and flew to return. As I lifted up in the air though, a monstrous stench suddenly pervaded the air. The smell of youkai, several of them. I glanced back at the building, bewildered, and then saw them. About twenty of them, ugly, revolting creatures, poured down from the sky to surround the building with beastly protective snarls.

When I smelled Naraku on them, I frowned, but turned back to go. Naraku was probably observing me from the mirror, and I didn't want to give him any idea that I was interested in deciphering his plans.

The air was hot, and it was a sultry evening with barely a breeze. The stillness of things was unsettling, and I was certain something was about to happen. Naraku was putting something into action very soon, and if things were to get messy, my chance to escape might just arrive.

I began to allow my mind to turn back idly upon my previous reverie. That had happened some time back, a week or two I believe. I thought that Kanna's words made a lot of sense, too much for comfort actually. I wondered if my past had anything to do with the inexplicable bouts of sadness and—other things, of late.

Most probably.

How disturbing.

That I was afraid to face my past wasn't anything new to me. Both irritated and reluctant, I turned my thoughts to the future. I had often reflected upon what I would do with my future, if I ever did get one.

I…wanted to be among humans for some time. I knew I could never be one of them. But I had often seen how they shared love among them, and how they became angry and sad, and oh so many things at a time. They were complex creatures, no matter how low they were on the food chain, and how powerless they appeared.

I thought that I might even want to see how love felt like.

Kanna would surely disapprove. My face almost cracked into a grin when I thought of that. And when I thought how appealing it would all be, to have Kanna as expressive as that girl the Inuyasha kept around him, and Naraku just like that unbelievably rash dog demon, I really wanted to laugh out loud.

I sailed over and around Naraku's formidable kekkai, then dove in, willing it to accept me for the flesh that was both mine and his. The minute I entered, I knew it was too quiet. At all times of the day there would be the usual crackle of Naraku's jaki, his reigning claim of dominance over his terrain. Something was surely happening.

My heart leapt. Was he reassembling his youkai body parts again?

_Kagura. _

I nearly fell off the feather when his voice echoed from the very depths of my own chest. He wanted me. For what, I knew not.

But, like a dog that must obey his master's call, I prepared to land the feather and face his grotesque form once again.

Notes: This was a tad rushed. I am a week away from graduation exams, so. ^^; Edits will come later.

  



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